My True Identity

I have known, for quite some time, that God was trying to establish within me, my true identity. Knowing, believing, and acting within that “identity”. I have watched as God pulled away insecurities and revealed His presence all around me and in me.

When I gave birth to Hannah and ended up at the hospital and had a c-section, I realized that I had put too much pride into being a home birth mom. I dealt with guilt from going to the hospital and embarrassment at telling others that I had a c-section. I know this is prideful stuff….but it’s real.

Now we have moved to PA and when we first got here and I was driving around I saw a sign for a private school. Immediately, I felt something in my spirit, but quickly dismissed it. Later, after some gut wrenching battles with the Lord, I knew that I needed to look into sending Noah there instead of homeschooling. Here I go again…..My identity is not a homeschool mom. I didn’t realize how much pride I had invested in that aspect of life too. When we looked at the school, we realized that we loved it. And as further confirmation, the price was 4 cents more than the truck payment that we were making until we recently paid it off. Paying that vehicle off was one thing we knew God wanted us to do before moving, and now look, He has put Noah in a school that costs that much! Hard to believe. Noah is enjoying school and making friends, and I am enjoying the extra time I am able to spend with the little ones. They were so often overshadowed by his presence.

All this to say, my identity is not mom. It’s not home birth. It’s not homeschooler. Those are things that I do/have done. They are not the definition of me. My true identity is Christ. That is what I want people to see when they look at me, not pride over other things I do. I want them to see Christ dwelling in me, and working through me.
Lord, let others see your heart beating in my chest and your Spirit pouring out of my eyes, the window to my soul. Let people feel Your peace in my home, and see Your joy in my family. Show me how to live like You. I love You Lord 🙂

 

Dreaming

Last night I had a very vivid dream and I thought I would share it and see if anyone had any thoughts on it.

In the dream I was sleeping at home (it wasn’t this house, but it was home…you know how dreams are). I woke and walked down to a long hallway that was like a school hallway and the wind was violently blowing and I knew it was a tornado. I looked to my left and knew the Lord had provided me a shelter.I crawled into the shelter as the winds blew and an SUV was blown into the air and landed on the roof and then fell to the ground. It was crazy and intense. I remember being surprised at how safe I was as all this violent destruction was going on right next to me. At last, it seemed to subside so I crawled out of my shelter. When I stood in the hall a wind came straight at me and I knew it was an “enemy” wind directed at me. It was wind and rain. It looked fierce. Suddenly, I was full of faith and stood with my feet firmly planted on the ground and looked straight at the wind and said, “NO! In the Name of Jesus stop” Immediately, it was peaceful. I remember being struck by that and thinking how powerful the Lord is and wanting to believe fully and operate in that belief. The belief that truly anything is possible with Him and He gives us the blessing of using His name as protection.

Working Mom

Well, I started working at home last week…..yes, the week we got here I also started working at home. So far, it’s not that bad and my boss is really cute 😉 (fyi: my sweets is my boss). It was a little hairy trying to get things done yesterday though. Hannah was crying because she’s teething and the others were actively playing. I am praying that God will really give us some sort of schedule.

 

Reflection: Just in case you don’t know…..

A while ago I started praying and asking God to give me another outlet besides just mothering all the time. I didn’t want to have to leave the house to do it, but just needed the chance to think about something else for a while. Not long after, Chris mentioned that his work was needing someone to type up documents and pull things from the courthouse. I told him I would pray about doing that. He was very pleased when I showed interest. I could tell that it made him feel that I was really “on his team”. We both prayed and felt that this was something I should do, and use the money from it to pay off our Conway house really quickly. That’s 2 prayers answered in one 🙂 Long story shorter, that’s what I am starting to do now that we’ve moved. I think I will like it. I definitely feel that it’s another branch of the Lord’s blessing over our family and I am grateful. Sometimes, to receive all that the Lord has for us we have to be willing to do things that we may not really understand at first. I am willing to follow You Lord even when You move me outside my comfort zone….I will just hold on to You more tightly during those times 😉 You are a really good Father and I love You more deeply than I can express with words.

A new day, a new blog

Waking up in a distant land….Pennsylvania. Our families 2 day car journey has ended and we are in the beginning stages of settling into a new home and a new life, so it seems. The world up here is sooo very different from the one we left behind. I am excited to be a part of the “new” thing God is doing in our family, and also feeling the loss of seeing old friends and family on a regular basis. I will choose joy as each day unfolds. Praise the Lord!